When suddenly that mirror is not about you …and realisation that our words are secondary to our actions…
What you do, how you behave, how you feel …suddenly and unexpectedly is facing you!!!
I am talking about your dearest children and their perception of the world at the early age.
The amount of words, numerous instructions are lost compare to your own behaviour. Your own children read you better than your think and control and manipulate you when they can or want. Shocking?
They mirror your views before they form their own.

“Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them” O.Wilde

From this position reassess your behaviour…
Let’s take an example of the child who worries about so many things that it affects his every day in a serious way. In my coaching experience I came across a situation with very active thriving parents, ready for a challenge in their professional life or their hobbies, and being very cautious the moment it comes to their children. Those excessive worries were transferred on to their son in magnifying proportions. To correct the situation we started with awareness – how parents behave with children, what they are trying to project, what is genuine behaviour pattern and what is unwanted.

As you know perfectly well life throws surprises – pleasant and unpleasant to all of us – we learn to cope with difficulties in our own way, but we can be different when it comes to children. Generally and fairly we want to protect them.

I would like to shift the notion – let’s think about preparing them for life.
High school is the battleground for children already, or the place to grow up, gain their own experiences, to learn, to struggle, to survive, to enjoy friendships… the list is endless… The growing process is full of discoveries and dramas, which many of us still remember.

As a parent you do your best.
You show your unconditional love and encouragement, you are there for your daughter or son when you can, or make an extra effort for that special occasion. You praise them for their achievements, for trying hard, for being brave, kind, caring … for just being your kid.
Interestingly not many parents share events of their life as if it does not matter.

It was my grandmother who told us her fascinating stories. My friends, not only me, perceived her in such a different light – heroic, daring, funny. Nobody around her was afraid to make a mistake, or share bad or good deed with her. We could laugh at some of her actions but remembered how it was done, or just gave her advice what she could do there and then – never mind how long ago it all happened.

The crucial point here – by sharing your life you are becoming a parent – friend, a stronger and wiser friend, who is searching for the right decisions, sometimes more successfully, sometimes not. Talking to your child about your childhood, about ups and downs, about the ways you overcome your difficulties once upon a time, you assure them that they able to do it, give them courage.
By sharing your thoughts about events your daughter or son can see better what is behind your actions, why you prefer to act in this certain way. Clarity gives them confidence.
You don’t provide the instructions or rules, your child adopts some of your actions.

If you want to see certain traits in your child, better demonstrate them in your behaviour.